31

31

It’s early in the morning on my 31st birthday. My big girl woke me up needing some water and a hug. She’s back asleep now, but I’m awake. Lying here with the fan whirling and the sound of Peach’s noise machine crashing waves over the baby monitor. A few weeks ago I texted a sweet friend who is almost a decade younger, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m loving my 30s.” Of course, now I’m telling all my someones. 

At dinner last night over barbecue shrimp and crabmeat and heirloom tomatoes and the most delicious redfish of my life, Matt and I talked about many things. But one of them was how I feel like I know what my thing is now, the thing God has me here to do. I don’t have the words to write it succinctly right now, but I can feel it every day. It happens at my dining room table with a white plastic notebook and my Bible. It’s a hundred sticky notes with verses that I’m praying for myself, my husband, my girls, my Ethiopian, my friends, perfect strangers who are no longer strangers because their names have crossed my lips countless times. 

It’s me and my Bible cracked and God’s Word alive. It’s most days with tears because I can’t ever get over the awe that the God who spoke and stars glittered the sky cares about a girl like me. It’s the texts and the names beside verses and the joy I feel when the Holy Spirit gives me a verse to pray for someone. Is there anything more humbling and more honorable than to be able to pray for someone? I’m finding it my life’s greatest joy. 

Dear 20s, you might have had the great metabolism and no wrinkles or gray hair. But I wouldn’t go back for anything. To be awakened early in the morning by the child who daily shows me God’s faithfulness is the richest kind of blessing. To remember how He used dark days to drive me to my knees and begin a journey of prayer is my weapon against fear. To know the love of a God who speaks to me every day through His Word is the honor of my life. And to break and pour and share that love with others is my purpose. Here’s to 31 and all the messy beautiful ahead.