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Spreadsheets, Security Blankets & Learning to Trust

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To our brown-eyed child,

I want to tell you a story. Last night, we were all on a walk, and your daddy and I were talking about you. I’ve been stressing and worrying because we found out from our adoption agency a few months ago that we will need to have an additional bedroom before we can get our referral with your beautiful picture and hear your story and fall in love with you all over again. (Because trust me, sweet child, we are already so crazy in love with you.)

I don’t want to bore you with all the specifics, but let’s just say because of markets and bubbles and when we bought it’s a big number we are going to need to get out of our current house. A number that doesn’t make sense on my little spreadsheet which sometimes feels more like my little security blanket. Last week, I was at the park with your sisters and some friends. One of my friends shared her house story which has a lot of similarities with ours. She said something at the end that stuck with me. “At the end of the day, it’s just money. It’s just a savings account. It’s not my security.”

I shared that story with your daddy last night on our walk. We were talking through options and possibilities, and he brought up our retirement. If my budget spreadsheet is my little security blanket, then our retirement feels like a California King duvet–our cushion, our safety net, our future. But your daddy gets life and love in such a special way, and he said to me, “Liss, I don’t want to mess with our retirement, but if it comes to our retirement or a child, I’m going to choose the child every time.” I love your daddy so much. There isn’t any price he wouldn’t pay, any obstacle he wouldn’t tackle, any mountain he wouldn’t climb to get to you–his child.

I don’t know what the future holds financially. I don’t know how God will work it all out. But my friend was right that day in the park. My security isn’t in my savings account, my retirement fund, or a paycheck. My security is in the One who even now is weaving our stories together. My security is in the Father of orphans who has at His disposal the entire world and will stop at nothing to show His children how much He loves them. And last night I got to see that Love in a tangible way through your daddy. Sweet child, you are worth it. You are worth any cost to us, and you were worth the ultimate cost to your Abba Father. Our security is found in His arms, and I’m wrapping myself in that truth today.

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