Yesterday, Bob Goff spoke at our church, and I loved everything he shared, but one thing really stuck out to me. He said it’s a lie that we are defined by our failures, and it’s an even bigger lie that we are defined by our successes. I love that because way too often I go through my day giving myself points or taking them away. Saw the bottom of one laundry hamper–3 points. Went to the grocery store and only went over budget by $10–5 points. Didn’t lose my cool when the two-year-old threw herself on the floor screaming and kicking because I took away the nail polish and then accidentally stabbed myself in the eye with the mascara wand when the yelling went three octaves higher–1000 points. Yelled at my kids, “Can I please just have one moment by myself?” when they barged into the bathroom–minus 8. Bob said a dozen times love doesn’t keep score. I want to keep score though because I want a big, gold medal on the days I do well. And on the days I don’t I want someone else or something else to blame. But love doesn’t work like that. Otherwise, the cross would never have happened.
I was picking up a few things around the house this afternoon, and I came across Lyd’s picture on the Magna-doodle. In her mind, Daddy has spiky hair like a rock star, Lottie has crazy hair, and we are all smiling and holding hands. That picture is absolutely not accurate of our every day. Most of the time Charlotte doesn’t even want to hold hands to say the blessing because she’s already shoving food in her mouth, but I smiled when I saw her picture because she captured our something special. We make lots of mistakes. We mess up and lose our tempers. We wonder if that thing we just said or did will come up in counseling when they’re adults. We have to apologize to the girls and to each other.
But this thing we’re doing where we say hard things like “I’m sorry” and “How can I help you?” and where we do hard things like throw away the scorecard and swallow our pride and forgive–this is love. Love is messy and beautiful. Love is exhausting and the only thing worth pursuing.