Last week at the beach, while I did not manage to read my stack of books I brought I did manage to actually finish one. (During the girls’ nap time, of course. The only moment they are both still. ;)) Mark Batterson’s The Circle Maker. And I absolutely love, love, loved it. You know those people who do the infomercials at 3 AM in the morning and they get you so fired up that all of a sudden you’re ordering a blender or a magic mop? (No, that’s just me?! Oh, okay.) That’s what I felt like after reading The Circle Maker. (Except I’m pretty sure I won’t be disappointed like I would be when I wind up with a blender that cannot, in fact, crush a car bumper.)
Only a few pages in, I realized I had already circled a prayer in my life. The prayer and promise of one day being a mom. I’ve written before about praying Luke 1:45 over and over and over often with tears pouring down and my head buried in my pillow to muffle my sobs. I just kept saying that Scripture back to God and kept believing. I was convicted by how quickly I’ve abandoned or wanted to abandon other prayers though. Prayers for my brother, for our adoption, for our neighborhood, for my dreams.
I have the attention span of a gnat. (Assuming they have extremely short attention spans. I’m not sure about this though. I’ve just heard people say it.) But I digress… (See, it’s short. Really short.) I struggle with continuing to pray and trust God in something if I don’t see progress. Regarding the adoption, a couple months ago I started praying in a big way for Ethiopian adoptions, for the president of ET to have favor towards adoption, for the government red tape that is extending the process to become efficient and for God to somehow miraculously get us a referral in our original time frame of 12-18 months (August marks 12 months of us being DTE.) Big prayers… asking Him to move an entire country’s government to action. And not even a month after starting to pray these big prayers, we start getting word that the PAIR change could mean just one trip, less costs, etc. Not exactly what I was praying for, but still it seemed like the first glimmer of positive news. I was hopeful. And then a few days later we found out that would not be the case. Instead of looking positive, it looked far more negative (I do need to mention that ET is doing this to add another layer of protection and make sure all ET adoptions are completely legit and that there are no possible ET family members who can and want to adopt the child. This is a great thing, and I am grateful for their diligence to protect their children. It’s just hard for the waiting mommas.) I was discouraged and, honestly, I started questioning our adoption. Are we supposed to do this? Is Ethiopia the right country?
All this was swirling in my head when I pulled out The Circle Maker at the pool and started reading. Forty-nine pages in, I posted a pic on Instagram saying how much I loved the book and that it was just what I needed to hear right then. Then, I flipped the page over and read, “Have you ever been there? You know God wants you to take the job that pays less, but it doesn’t add up. You know God wants you to go on the mission trip, but it doesn’t add up. You know God wants you to get married, go to grad school, or adopt, but it doesn’t add up.”
I might have laughed out loud (and then the other people at the pool might have looked at me a little weird.) YES! As a matter of fact, I have been there. I’m there RIGHT now! But wait… the next sentence reads, “A couple years ago, Adam Taylor went on one of our annual mission trips to Ethiopia…” Out of all the countries to mention, it would be that one. Ours. At this point I’m laughing so hard the other people at the pool are starting to wonder if there’s something other than iced tea in my cup. But I didn’t care. It was the push I needed to keep circling. Keep praying. Keep believing.