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Timing

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Just got home a little while ago from lunch with one of my most favorite people, Heather Hagood Bruce (because we southern girls just love using our full names whenever possible 🙂 We talked about a lot of things… our hearts are quite heavy for some people we know who are going through BIG trials right now. As we were talking, she reminded me of my priority time this morning…

I had just written on the last page of my current journal, and I was fishing around in my stack of books and journals in the bedroom hoping that I had another blank one. I didn’t, but I did start looking through old journals and I stumbled upon these words from September 7, 2009 (right about this time last year). We were days away from the due date of our first baby (who I think was a girl) and it had been a few months since we lost our second baby (who I think was a boy) You have to know how far God has brought me for me to be this vulnerable on a public blog, but He is the Giver of Hope, and I pray that He will use my pain and joy to bring others hope…

September 7, 2009
Father, will it ever get easier? Will I ever miss them less? My heart hurts so much knowing how close we would be to her delivery date or how I would be in the second trimester with him. I miss them so much, Father. I feel like I’m losing hope, giving up, unsure if I’ll ever hold a precious baby in my arms. I miss them so much, Father. So much that my heart hurts inside. I just wish I could know what your will is… wish I could see a glimpse of the future… wish I could see a little encouragement, Lord. It’s hard, really hard for me. I miss them so much.

All I can say today… almost one year later… is THANK YOU, LORD!!! Your timing is so sovereign because even as I wrote these words… even as I was losing hope… I was already pregnant (even though we wouldn’t know it for a couple more weeks) with our sweet Lydia. I have clung to a verse that Mary clung to as she carried our Savior, “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” I knew God was going to make me a mom in His own perfect way. In the midst of my pain and longing, God was already working, shaping, growing the baby girl inside me that He would give me to hold in my arms. And I know He is holding our other two babies until we are all united one day. Father, You are incredible and You leave me in absolute awe…

For all the people my heart is heavy for, I pray with hope knowing that our God is awesome and nothing is impossible with Him.

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2 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. This is such a great post – with so much truth. Is your spiritual gift faith?! You inspire me to have more – to believe more … and that's an amazing thing.Love you!!

    Reply

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